We are grateful to be sharing Kristina Dulaney’s story during this year’s suicide awareness week. Kristina was one of the reasons 2020 Mom and our partners knew we had to launch an annual national maternal suicide awareness week campaign.

By Kristina Dulaney, RN Founder and Executive Director of Cherished Mom — By Kristina Dulaney, RN
Founder and Executive Director of Cherished Mom

No one ever told me in childbirth class that I could end up fighting for my life, in the psych ward.

I ended up suffering from postpartum psychosis after the birth of my second child. I not only survived but recovered and I’m thriving after my battle.

Looking back, now I can self diagnose...

Like so many others, I was never fully evaluated at various points during my perinatal periods, with early postpartum anxiety and depression. I wasn’t screened or diagnosed in either pregnancy/postpartum period.

Our second pregnancy was unplanned, we still sometimes question how she actually happened -LOL. My pregnancy was wonderful and my planned c-section was much less difficult than my first childbirth experience. But then something happened…the symptoms from my first postpartum period came back and came back hard. Everything came crashing down, and even harder. I experienced anxious thoughts, anger and depression. I still thought I could get through it just as I did after my first delivery; I’m a southern woman, that’s what we do…everything is always fine – until it really isn’t.

But I later also became psychotic (editor’s note: untreated anxiety/depression doesn’t lead to psychosis but can trigger it in those at higher risk when a mother becomes sleep deprived or has an underlying bipolar disorder; and Psychosis impacts less than .5% of mothers).

It all started with me waking up one morning with God

He was telling me “You will need the prayers of many to share your story.” It was Friday, on Memorial Day weekend. I became delusional, hyper-religious and extremely paranoid. All signs of psychosis. I thought Jesus was returning and I was so far outside of reality that my husband had to call 911. Once the paramedics arrived, I told them to pump on my chest because I thought I was dying. Until friends arrived to care for our 5½-month-old and 2-year-old, a paramedic watched them in another room. The medics got me into the ambulance and I went back into our townhome telling everyone I was fine and they could go home. At that point, my husband was granted permission to ride in the back of the ambulance with me. I was taken to the ER where I stayed for three nights until I went to a general psych unit. My husband wasn’t allowed to be with me, so he slept in his truck the first night I was in the ER so could he was close by.

Because I was psychotic and suicidal, I had to have a 24/7 “sitter” with me the entire two weeks I was in the inpatient unit. I couldn’t go outside nor off the floor because I had a sitter and it was deemed unsafe. I was treated with antipsychotics, antidepressants including an occasional injection to calm me down. My husband was only allowed to visit 3x/day and mind you, he was still working full time as well as taking care of a baby and a toddler. His parents and my parents rotated weeks to help us out as they both lived out of town.

I was Released, but Became SO Angry I Almost Jumped

When I was discharged, I couldn’t be with my children by myself. I couldn’t stay by myself. I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t go back to work. And I had to go to intensive outpatient therapy, which was 3 hours of group therapy every day.

A couple of weeks after my discharge I got VERY angry at all the stipulations health care providers placed on me, and as my husband was driving, I tried to jump out of the truck. Thankfully, he was very quick to press the lock button. I then had to return to the hospital to obtain an emergent psych assessment. I was sent home where the gun we owned was removed from our home and knives were hidden and I had to ask if I needed one to cook.

My physicians, medications and psychotherapy continue to make my recovery successful. Because of my experience, I now have a new, God-given passion to “share my story.”

I Now Share my Story to Raise Awareness

I want to instill hope and ignite change. No one ever told me that I could legitimately lose control of my thoughts, my mind and become suicidal after having a baby and end up in the psych unit. When I followed up with my OBGYN, he hadn’t seen postpartum psychosis in ten years. I told him that I didn’t learn anything about this in Nursing school and his response was, “that was a heck of a way to find out about it!”

That response didn’t affect me until a couple of years ago that I realized that mothers (and fathers) shouldn’t be finding out about it until it is too late, or until they’re grasping at straws reaching out for help. I decided to do something about it. I have now started a nonprofit, Cherished Mom, that is dedicated to educating and supporting moms and families surrounding maternal mental health. Cherished Mom provides free support groups, educational materials and care packages to moms in our local L&D department.

Maternal suicide is one of the leading causes of death in the postpartum period and often overlooked in the discussion of maternal mortality. My hope is that all of us together can change that, and begin to normalize the discussion surrounding maternal mental health and postpartum psychosis.

Psychosis – there is Hope and Community

I truly believe if we can alter the stigma, thoughts, discussion and language around postpartum psychosis then we can change the conversation around all of the perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and the rare but serious postpartum psychosis.

Find community and follow Kristina and Cherished Mom at:
https://www.facebook.com/cherishedmomorg/